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Experiencing refusal, notably when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is turning you down, giving a clear “Nope.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with rejection. I started proposing manuscripts five decades ago, just after college graduation. Over the years, I have had multiple books turned down, along with book ideas and numerous short stories. In the last two decades, focusing on personal essays, the rejections have multiplied. In a typical week, I get a setback every few days—amounting to in excess of 100 annually. In total, denials over my career exceed a thousand. At this point, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

So, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Not at all. Since, now, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished It?

For perspective: Now, almost each individual and others has rejected me. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—that would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: not long ago, a newspaper editor turned down 20 articles consecutively before approving one. A few years ago, over 50 publishing houses rejected my book idea before one gave the green light. Later on, 25 agents declined a book pitch. One editor suggested that I send articles only once a month.

My Phases of Setback

In my 20s, all rejections hurt. I felt attacked. It was not just my creation being rejected, but myself.

No sooner a submission was rejected, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. How could this happen? How could they be overlook my ability?
• Second, denial. Surely you’ve rejected the mistake? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Third, dismissal. What can editors know? Who made you to judge on my efforts? They’re foolish and the magazine stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, irritation at the rejecters, followed by anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably accompanied by delusion). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become accomplished.

So it went for decades.

Excellent Examples

Of course, I was in good fellowship. Accounts of creators whose books was initially declined are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was first rejected. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his high school basketball team. Many Presidents over the recent history had been defeated in races. The actor-writer says that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were rejected repeatedly. He said rejection as a wake-up call to motivate me and keep moving, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

Then, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I achieved the final phase of rejection. Understanding. Today, I better understand the various causes why a publisher says no. For starters, an editor may have recently run a comparable article, or have one in progress, or simply be thinking about something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the reader thinks I am not qualified or reputation to be suitable. Or is no longer in the business for the work I am submitting. Maybe didn’t focus and reviewed my piece too fast to recognize its value.

You can call it an realization. Anything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Many rationales for denial are permanently out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are within it. Admittedly, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and impact, or the point I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or a part about my writing style, especially dashes, was annoying.

The point is that, despite all my years of exertion and rejection, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, another, a autobiography, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have appeared in publications big and little, in diverse outlets. My first op-ed appeared when I was 26—and I have now written to many places for five decades.

Yet, no major hits, no book signings publicly, no appearances on popular shows, no presentations, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can better take rejection at 73, because my, admittedly modest achievements have softened the jolts of my frequent denials. I can now be thoughtful about it all now.

Valuable Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will probably just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What insights have I learned?

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